I think the worst damage that dieting has done to my way of thinking is that I am forever perplexed about how much food to eat. I am doing quite well on going back to three meals a day, I am mindful of how much I put on my plate and I am not eating seconds. Still, I have a nagging feeling that I am eating too much because I am not hungry. I believe the point of eating normally is to not be hungry. Years of dieting and bingeing have kept me in the extremes and to be in the middle ground is elusive and intangible to me. I feel uncomfortable and unsure every time I sit down to eat. Am I eating too much? Shouldn’t I be more hungry? I am so tempted to go back to my bowl to bring me a peace of mind about amounts. At least there is the comfort of knowing only so much food can go into the bowl. A plate still confounds me. I have really tried to feel okay with a plate, but the spaces between the food make me see the food as a small amount. I feel like I am placing food directly on the table and it just looks so expansive. Granted it is easier to eat from a plate, especially with a knife and fork, but a bowl is more nurturing. Mind-set, I know, but I am yearning for comfort when feeling a lack of direction.
I have been crabby and moody all weekend. Listless, aching, and wishing to be free of everything that brings me down. When a drug addict stops taking drugs, what fills up the space that the addiction filled? I feel that way about giving up dieting. Now what? My mind cannot help but get stuck in the old ruts. How much to eat? Does this have too many carbs? Should I worry about trace amounts of grain and sugar in sausages? What do I write about in my diet blog? Perhaps this is all the gloomy crabbiness making me crazy. Maybe a new direction?
I polished my bowl up, there was a smile about that. On Thursday, I was in the throes of fighting off a binge at the store. So great was the struggle that I ended up grabbing a low carb binge, duck pate and extra thick cream. Wowzers, was that every bit as good as I could have imagined. I must do that every time I am hit with a binge urge….super high fat creamy deliciousness. BTW, both the cream and the pate were on sale, and that benefitted my grocery allowance!
Here is the “binge”. See how lovely that thick cream is? It tastes fabulous too! The usual cheddar with butter still is a favourite too. I sheepishly felt a ray of happiness filter in through the crabbiness jut because I was eating from my beloved bowl.
Normally I put mayonnaise on pate. This is a different taste and very pleasing.
At lunch, I had the herring my husband bought for me. Unfortunately the mustard sauce it was in was terribly sweet. I didn’t eat the sauce, only what clung to the fish. The other bowl was some leftover veggies from the night before and that was warmed up and I ate with my herring.
This is the plate I am using. I did move to the plate because it bothered my husband that I seemed to be eating so little when using the bowl as compared to his plate. This plate gives the impression I am eating so much more, but honestly, I feel stuffed eating this much.
I need to give this bowl vs. plate another re-think. I could simply put less on the plate. I like the heaviness of the plate and it does go with my cup and saucer, and the little bowl I also love, the white one with the green stripe in the photo above. Sigh. Trading one obsession with another.
I have 5 days of low carb under my belt, 6 days of morning walks. As soon as the crabby mood lets go, I am sure I will be feeling much better. The more time passes that my body is clearing a path to ketosis, the better my outlook. For now, call me Queen of Crabbiness.