Yesterday:
1 egg, 1 lorne, 3 mini maloney, 2 coffee & double cream
cubed cheddar, tea
4 mini maloney, mixed veggies, curry mayonnaise
2 white fish fillets, butter, cheddar & cream sauce, 1 glass wine
2 coffee & double cream
Four days of eating so much better (for me), no binges and I can feel the switch happening. I call it nirvana, because I sense being lighter, more fluid in my movements, everything feels good. The aches lessen, my stomach deflates, my mood improves. Only happens in ketosis or at this level of carb intake, whatever it is. I refuse to check the numbers. I am not in deep at this point, but I can tell when I am entering it. Today I feel like smiling.
As always, when I finally reach this point (takes about 3-4 days for me) I cannot fathom how I would ever willingly leave it. This is the dilemma of all low carbers. When I am here, in this place, I do not feel the compulsion, the urges to binge and eating normalizes, appetite drops significantly. The more times I go through this (and I cannot count how many since i first discovered low carb in the late 1990’s) the more it makes me realize that sugar and starch (particularly grains) make me behave as an addict in every sense of the word.
I have faithfully continued to eat from a bowl, but at this point, my mind is shifting there too. The bowl represents nourishment and containment, a way to focus on the food, the amount and probably half a dozen more subtle things. But as wonderful as it is and the peace of mind it brings me, the wrong bowl can be jarring to my wellbeing. Silly, I know. Most people don’t care about what they eat off of or out of, but I have found it to be a part of the joy. As an aside, I had to smile, last night, husband noticed two glaze indents in his china bowl/plate because it was sitting in front of him, empty. He said he had never seen them before, and I smiled and said he’s never seen the bowl empty before (I always serve it to him already full).
When was the last time you noticed the glaze on your plate, or the way the design pleases or displeases? I often imagine my bowl to be a sort of external stomach, the food I place in the bowl will be what my stomach receives, like an offering. If I am feeding my stomach (or body) what would be the most nourishing food to give it? I like to visually see what I am giving it.
The bowl is like looking in a microscope and seeing what you never realized truly existed. Don Gerrard (ONE BOWL) says that in the beginning, one can fill the bowl with whatever one wants and how ever many times one wants to. There are no limits. Simply pay attention to where your thoughts go, why you chose the foods you do. He then guides you into choosing the foods that make you hum or sing in wellbeing. Eventually, even the foods that hum good vibrations mentally start humming (or not) physically. I wanted to mention this aspect of eating from a bowl because this is what I have been experiencing the last four days of better eating.
When I consistently get the carbohydrate level down, it is like watching my body and mind blossom. I start seeing the food in the bowl for what it is, what it represents. Last night, I cooked fish fillets in a pan, the fish released the water it contained while cooking and mixed with the butter in the pan. I added a bit of double cream and a few shreds of grated cheese which made an instant sauce that was as perfect as any chef could have mustered. My mind panicked, because I forgot to cook any veggies for me (husband was having the left overs from the night before) and I thought, wow, when I add this fish and sauce to my bowl. there was hardly any food there. Why did I make such an assumption? My mind was sure, long before proven, that it was not enough food.
So I sat at the table and looked at the fish in a creamy sauce. It did not make it up to the blue flowers, so I was very aware that it was a skimpy meal. My mind calculated that it was less than a cup of food. I felt cheated out of a full dinner. I shifted my focus.
It did look appetising. My mouth watered. I have not had that sensation in a long time. Hmmm, mouth watering means my body is preparing to eat! Hey! Body talk! I tried to breathe in the scent without my husband thinking I was getting weirder by the day. It smelled wonderful. I took the first bite, noticing the taste, texture, the flavours. I ate slowly, more so to not finish too soon before my husband finished his meal, but also in a way to please myself. I tend to eat too fast and furious and I am aware of that. It takes away from the pleasures of eating to gobble it all down. So, of course I was full sooner than I thought I would be by eating slowly. Funny, as I also was taking my time sipping my one frugal allotted glass of wine, I had to admit, this was nirvana. One glass of Spanish rioja perfectly complimented the delicate flavour of the fish. Yin and Yang. And of all things formerly impossible, it was just enough. I was satisfied not feeling full nor feeling hungry. Middle, I was in the middle path. It felt right which in turn gave me a sense of wellbeing. I suspect my food was humming. Or was it me? Or both?
I’ll break this post in two…I have more to say….
LCHF in Scotland 